Category Archives: Personal Development

Previously I mentioned that what we think of as our stress reaction is principally our whole system moving into survival mode because our unconscious response to what the conscious mind perceives to be a threat.  This response is called the sympathetic nervous system and it arouses the body, preparing it for vigorous activity.  Often referred to, inaccurately, as the “fight or flight response” it is a complex psycho/chemical mechanism that enables us to behave appropriately in very particular situations.

A sound, an image or even a smell can alert us to danger.  This need not even, initially, be consciously observed.  For example, information from the eyes doesn’t only go to the visual cortex.  Some of that data is diverted to the amygdala, a little lump of brain in the limbic section, a very primitive bit of the system; primitive in the sense that it evolved early on.  The amygdala, using simple recognition software, that we almost certainly have inherited from our ancestors, then triggers a chemical cascade that prepares us for various actions.  It may well be the case that once upon a time our ancestors were so well tuned to their environment that the response perfectly matched the demands of the given situation.  Whether we responded automatically, or whether some learning was involved, it is certainly the case that today we do not always respond appropriately.

There are five different responses to danger.

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and resign.  There is some overlap and it is possible to shift from one to another as we change our perception of the situation.  So, a mugger, thinking he is advantaged, might be in full fight mode, but realising his intended victim is confidently counter-attacking, might shift to flight mode in the blink of an eye.

In some circumstances, aggressive and vicious fighting is your safest response, for example against most primates (including other humans).  If you are attacked by many different carnivores, freezing is safest.  When a herbivore is spooked, running is often your best bet.  When confronted by a larger or otherwise dominant or aggressive human, fawning, or trying to be submissive and doing everything to placate the larger individual, will often work.  Sometimes, when you are definitely going to die, when you are about to be ripped apart and eaten, when you are resigned to your fate, your body is flooded with drugs that put you in a state of euphoria, to sedate you for the coming pain.

All of these possible responses are programmed into us, but for whatever reason, we aren’t tuned to use them always appropriately.  Probably because we don’t live in an environment in which the appropriate response can be taught from one generation to the next.  Instead, we learn in early childhood to use one or another of these responses, predominately, because they worked for us once or twice and became our habituated response. 

The chemical cocktail and physiological mechanisms are initially similar for these responses, but the balance of chemicals soon shifts as we are unconsciously directed to one in particular.  In the short term these physical mechanisms are useful if, once in a blue moon, you have to run from bull, or stand still while a wolf pack sniffs around you; but you can’t live in that state.

When, in a state of “fight or flight” your blood has increased coagulates, so that if your arm is ripped off you won’t bleed to death.  However, if you spend too long in that state, you just have poor circulation.  Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, has a purpose when you need to be highly alert for a short time, but is associated with cancer development when the levels are high for a prolonged time.  The high blood pressure and increased heart rate, that would be helpful when you need to run or fight, has a number of detrimental effects on your health over time.

In short, being in an alarmed state is lifesaving in the short term, but if you stay in that state for any length of time it is disastrous for your health.  But we live in a world that is constantly alarming us. We hear news of a war that can’t affect us personally, but our primitive brains respond as if the danger were present.  The roar of traffic may not be a danger, but our brains interpret it as a pack of carnivores.  Even adverts shout at us as if we should be alarmed.  We have not significantly evolved from the humans that lived in relatively quiet rural settings, where dangers were occasional and short lived.  If we are going to live in an environment that almost constantly alarms us, we have need of a way to quiet the alarm or we will burn out.

This burning out is what is often called Stress.  It is the result of prolonged activity of the sympathetic nervous system and there are a number of possible solutions.  This is the theme of so much of what we do.

It is only that which has never known the actions of energy that is still and unchanging (e.g. mathematical axioms).  Things that have had life and are now dead, change only contingently through the forces of other agents.  But the living have the privilege of directing their own change.  Change they must, it is the very essence of living.  They can be like the dead and abdicate this privilege, being subject to every tide that touches them, or they can become masters of their Journey.  It takes courage to pick up the reins; “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

Kung Fu should never be reduced to merely fighting skills; it is about developing mastery of life through disciplined work.  First one becomes aware of one’s own life; perceiving everything about one’s environment, including one’s own state of mind.  Then through self-discipline comes self-control; where one discerns and navigates a chosen path.  Eventually one takes increasing control of the environment, including the power to influence the state of mind of those whose paths we cross.  If that sounds like a dangerous power; it is and you should be credited for having a concern.  This is where the fighting skills become an ideal analogy for the greater Kung Fu.  Of course learning these skills is dangerous.  You are learning how to hurt, injure and kill.  Tao Te Kung Fu is not like many fighting styles where you learn how to fight; it starts with the assumption that you end violence as fast as possible; you don’t fight your opponent, you drop them, immediately, no fuss.  If such skill concerns you; good, it should.  That shows you are the sort of person that is suited to learning such skills.

If you learned only the fighting skills but didn’t also develop your spiritual insight, we would be behaving like irresponsible arms dealers.  Having any power over those around you is a responsibility; whether you are a nursery nurse or a tax collector.

But “power tends to corrupts” so with every increase in power must come an increase in your integrity.  Until recently, every martial tradition has developed a moral code, an ethical philosophy to guide warriors; the chivalry of medieval Europe, the bushido of the Japanese, etc.  The more power over others one has, the more control over one’s self, one needs and when the power to kill is at your fingertips, your self-control must be of steel.

When you understand the nature of this world and the nature of yourself, you can find the ideal path for you; the way of integrity, the Tao Te. 

Old maps often had large blank areas and to fill the spaces with something the cartographers would add details like “There be dragons here” thus ensuring that only the most courageous would venture into such areas.  When you no longer fear people you are free to love them.  You cannot love that which you fear.  The man free from fear is able to take the time to consider those around him.  When you notice that this person is unhappy, you can consider what you can say to cheer them up.  When you notice that that person has low self-esteem, you can consider what will increase it.  But fear is self-centered, so when you are fearful, you are too distracted with your own emotion to consider the viewpoint of others; you become less aware, more isolated, less integrated in the web of life, less able to navigate the best path through life because there are too many areas to be avoided because of dragons.

An essential part of Tao Te Kung Fu is therefore personal development; becoming a more spiritually mature person, more ethically aware, increasingly mastering your potential and taking control of your life, choosing your path based on knowledge of yourself and the world in which you live.  Don’t be like a leaf on the river, become the master of your own journey.

I’m going to explain briefly how to reframe memories to adjust how your past affects you, but mainly on how to use affirmations to develop your future self.

We’ll start with the language you need to address your unconscious mind.

Programming language.

Anyone who has written functions into a spread sheet application or indeed written any programme for a computer will realise that you need a whole different language with a particular grammar and syntax.  If you want to add up a list of takings over a year, see the total, then see the total after a percentage deduction, then see what that would be in an average month to set up a standing order into a tax savings account, simply writing that into the function box on a spread sheet won’t get you the result you need.  You have to know the language of the machine to get the obedient, but stupid machine to co-operate.  Anyone with a dog will know that it isn’t just a matter of using the right words, but also the tone of voice, stress, intonation and body language that you have to get right.  Also, of course, dogs learn associations and context and themselves develop conditioned responses.

Let me explain the basics of the language of the unconscious.  I think of it as somewhere between computers and dogs.

Emotion is the ink of anything you write to your brain.  You could write notes to yourself all day long, but if there is no ink in your pen, you are wasting your time.

The emotions need to be sincere and this can’t be overstated.

All programming of the unconscious is proportionate to the depth of emotion associated with the message.  You could meditate upon the best phrased affirmation a thousand times, but if it is empty of emotion, you are virtually wasting your time.  However, if it is invested with a strong emotion, once will make it stick.  Compare the warning on the side of a packet of cigarettes, with the fact that once, when I was 16, a girl I really wanted to get to know a lot better, mentioned, rather casually, that there was something very sexy about the way I lit my roll up.  Bang, unconscious programming embedded.  Lighting a cigarette was instantly associated with the positive prospect of a sexual encounter.  Alternatively, one very traumatic experience can be all it takes to instil a phobia or set up a trigger for a psychotic episode later in life.  If I could show you a kung fu technique once, and if you could get actually attacked that day, and if you used that technique and won.  You would remember that technique like it was your name.

You can see that both positive and negative emotions have a great impact on our unconscious programming, but you want the association to be a good one, not merely a strong one.  Your unconscious mind will actively avoid the thing you’ve associated with strong negative emotion; it’s supposed to work that way.

Hence a thought or a spoken affirmation that says something like “I’d be so happy if in the future I had a blah” will be associated with a sincere emotion of lack, grief, need, not happiness at all.  Even shortened to “in the future I will have Blah” will be understood by your unconscious mind as “I’m upset that I lack a blah” You’re still focussed on your need, or your sorrow and you actively encouraging that as a character trait.  Ideally, in terms of the unconscious language, actually feeling happy that you have a blah, would be best, but if you can’t bring yourself to imagine this because it feels like you’re being dishonest with yourself, try to re-phrase this as “I’m happy that I have a blah on the way”, picture it as being in the post, you’ve ordered it and you’ve had notification that it has been dispatched, it’s yours, you have one, you are just waiting for it to be delivered.  “I’m happy that I have a blah on its way” will work meaningfully so long as you are actually happy/excited.  Can you remember being promised something when you were a child?  Perhaps you were told you were going to some theme park; did you get excited?  Did you feel grateful and jump up and down, grinning?  I’ll bet you still remember such an event.  Emotion is the ink we write with.

A word about negatives.

Don’t tell a child with a glass filled to the brim not to spill it, tell them to be steady. Don’t tell someone with erectile dysfunction not to think of failure.  “Don’t think of a blue elephant” will work just as well as “do think of a blue elephant.”  If you concentrate only on escaping what you fear, you will be focused on it so much that you will be programming your unconscious filter system to notice it and present it to your conscious mind all the time.  Don’t run from the beast, you will be running backwards; run instead to safety.  Don’t run from poverty, focus on abundance; you want to train your unconscious mind to notice opportunities to prosper, not to be poorer.  Don’t run from depression, focus on the good stuff.  Don’t try to control anger, encourage tolerance and even indifference.  If you try to avoid the monster by looking out for the monster, you’ll see it everywhere.  You must have noticed that you’re unconscious will fill in any unclear details with what we anticipate seeing.  Any pattern in half-light will become faces or figures; like the dressing gown on the door that becomes an intruder.  If you expect the guy in a leather jacket or with a tattoo to be a thug, if a fight starts, you will perceive that he started it.  If you expect your partner to be unfaithful, every look, every wrong number, every text that they turn away to read, will be a sign of infidelity.  Try saying to someone, “Don’t be jealous” and they will now start looking for what they should be jealous of.  Say “Don’t get angry”, and they know that anger is now a reasonable response to whatever you follow it up with.  “Don’t you think this chair is uncomfortable” will get you questioning if it is.  Try excitedly saying to your dog, “Don’t look at those squirrels” and see what happens. 

Remember that your unconscious is a willing, though dumb, servant.  Tell it to look out for dangers and dangers will be everywhere.  Tell it to look out for insults, threats, opportunities etc. and from that vast resource or un-attended data that your senses take in, your obedient unconscious will find them or fill in the gaps to create them.

Some thoughts on Time

Your unconscious only lives in the moment.  So, you need to understand how to refer to time when programming.

Let’s start with the past as I find most people get this more easily.  When we are reminded of a past event, when we experience a memory, our unconscious will process the images as if they were current, because the experience of the memory IS current.  Hence, we can be scared, angry, upset, elated, grateful etc. etc.  It would be fairly pointless to say to someone re-living a terror, “but it’s not happening now” they ARE experiencing the emotions associated with the memory NOW.  The more emotion we attached to the original event, the better it is remembered after all.  (Non-emotional events are hardly remembered at all).

Because how we relate to our past is crucial in the shaping of our current character it is important to understand how to change our current reaction to past events.  Or, to put it another way, to change the way we emotionally react to our memories.  

When someone thinks or says, “I had a terrible past. I was abused” their own unconscious mind hears this as “my life is terrible, I’m abused.”  Unless you were chronically, physically injured by the abuse, then it is the way you are reacting to the memory that is negatively affecting you now.  If the memory upsets you, then the upset is present and it is irrelevant (in terms of the effect on your unconscious) that the actual abuse is over. This is why simply talking about and reliving a past event, with no attempt to reframe it, can actually make the current ongoing trauma worse.

I’ll explain what I mean by reframing.  If you didn’t know, let me remind you that when you remember an event, you don’t actually remember the original event, you recall the last version of the memory.  Each time you recall a memory it is like opening a document on your computer and reading over it.  If you make any changes to it, by imagining extra details or adding features from other prompts, for example by relating it to others, but making it more dramatic for effect.  When you finish with that document on this occasion it is automatically saved again.  Next time you open that document it will be as you last saved it.  So, a memory from years ago that you have recalled often could be quite different from the original.  Now this is worth understanding because it gives us a way to change those memories that have unwanted emotional attachments.  In another article, I will cover this at greater length, but for now here is an example of how you can reframe a memory.

Let’s suppose you were abused as a child and the trauma has left you feeling fearful and vulnerable.  Start by visualising the child that was abused, from another’s stand point.  Not from behind the eyes of the child, but from the viewpoint of an imaginary adult, the adult you in fact, watching from the side.  Because you can’t time travel, you can’t actually interfere.  Say, “That child is being abuse”.  That child is not you anymore, you are the adult watching.  Be sympathetic, be angry.  Freeze frame, like you are taking a photograph.  Now make the picture black and white, put it in an album and close the book.  Take your time doing this and be sure to genuinely feel the emotions.

Now consider you, the current you.  And state, (yes, I mean aloud), “I am safe and strong. Confident and in control of my life.”  Create an image of that reality, perhaps you can visualise the safe and confident you doing something that requires self-confidence.  Now picture that in so much detail that you get excited about it, feel the strength, the safety etc.  Go and do something different like make a cup of tea, whatever.  Now remember the event and you will notice that it leaves you feeling angry and sympathetic, very appropriate emotion, and the negative emotions of fear and vulnerability will be less if not gone.  Keep doing this exercise until it is resolved.

Let’s consider the Future.

Almost everyone has come across the idea of using affirmations and most people have found they don’t work for them.  The problem is that most people have never been shown how or why they work and therefore don’t understand how to use them correctly. 

The unconscious does not get the future tense.  So, the affirmation, “I will have self-esteem”, can be interpreted by the unconscious mind in different ways, according to your actual, current, sincere emotions.  It could be interpreted as either “I’m upset that I lack self-esteem”, or as “I’m excited that self-esteem is on its way.”  It would be better by far to say “I have self-esteem in my path” so that it is in the present tense.  You can get just as excited about future events as you can about past events as you can about current events.  If you want to make changes in your future path, in the direction that you want your unconscious to lead you, then you need to get excited about the possibilities that are ahead, and get excited now.  Remember your unconscious mind will determine which opportunities you notice from your environment.  Does that mean you are guaranteed to get them?  Well no.  But the run up to Christmas, when you know you have good things waiting for you, is a lot nicer than the run up to root canal work.  In both situations it is possible that you might die the night before and they might not happen, but one scenario is still nicer to live in.  Remember you can only live in today, so the journey has to be good.

Creating affirmations for yourself.

We all use affirmations all the time.  But many of them are negative. “I just can’t lose weight, this is my natural shape” “You’ve got to be from the right background to really make it big” “It’s all about having the right contacts, and I don’t have them” “Women don’t tend to like men like me” “I’m unlucky” “I always get the cold that’s going around” “I’m not confident about doing things like that” “ I’m only happy when I’ve got a drink in my hand” “I’m just someone who gets angry easily” “I tend to freeze in situations like that” “I can never think of the right thing to say” “God, don’t mention maths, my brain goes numb at the thought”

Of course, if you recognise any of those, you’ll be thinking, they aren’t affirmations, they’re merely a statement of the obvious.  Sorry, but they are, and if you sincerely believe any of them, you are using affirmations effectively, just not wisely.

Your affirmation or if you prefer the terminology, your programming language, needs to have a clear Visual image associated with it, but with as much other sense input as possible, it must be Positive, it must be Present, and it must be Emotive.

Start simple.  Chose a character or personality trait, you would like to increase.  Don’t think that you don’t have it at all, you have to have it, or you wouldn’t even be able to imagine it, you wouldn’t know what it would be like to have it more!

Imagine a situation in which someone with that trait would react in a particular way. Now picture the situation, but with you reacting in that way.  Now picture it again, but from behind your own yes.  Play it over again, with more details.  Get excited about how you did that!  Now, go into the future and look back at it.  Imagine feeling please as you remember how you reacted in that way.  So, if you want the confidence to perform a solo at the Albert Hall, picture the scene in the dressing room or the party afterwards.  Dwell on this imagined future event and keep playing it until you feel exultant, tell your friends at this party how excited you are that your performance went so well.  Feel the emotion to the full.  Now put the image of that scene just ahead of you on the path that you are walking.  And repeat, with sincere emotion the affirmation “Abundant confidence is on my path. My confidence is growing fast and it’s exciting to think of the person I’m becoming.”  Now you are programming your unconscious mind.

Now you have some idea of the programming language for your brain, here are some character traits for you to consider.  Think of this list as a brochure or catalogue for you to choose from.  You can have your pick.

Character Traits.

Frivolous Confident Intuitive Organised Encouraging Caring Tolerant Brave Committed Considerate Steady Courageous Constant Loving Unshakable Elegant Compassionate Resourceful Passionate Optimistic Solid Calm Joyful Relaxed Creative Controlled Happy Entrepreneurial Inspired Disciplined Fun-loving Generous Quick-thinking Carefree Light hearted Reliable Witty Decisive Dedicated Imaginative Humorous Persuasive Cheerful Insightful Forceful Independent Proactive Resolute

This list could go on and on, I’ve just got you started.

Remember these key features of the programming language.

Visual.   Positive.   Present.   Emotive.

Now fill in the blanks below and have a go.

I’m grateful that I already have ……. And am excited that I am becoming more …….

…….. is in my path, just ahead and I’m walking into an abundance of ……..

I am …….. and I’m becoming more ………

With Kung Fu Living you will be benefitting from the most modern teaching concepts. This means you will be able to develop new skills quickly and efficiently.

Often instructors have great personal skill in their chosen style but without any understanding of how to teach those skills to others.  How many parents, who were able to pass A levels or university degrees, have discovered, while their children have been at home during the Coronavirus pandemic, that they have no idea how to teach the simplest things to their children.  The most skilled driver may not be a good driving instructor ( I’ve heard of couples getting pretty close to divorce as a result of an interspousal driving lesson).  Many martial arts are taught in a way that is entrenched in ancient tradition.  Some styles developed within a military context and the teaching style was suitable for large numbers of young men learning simple skills without understanding concepts.  Other styles were only really taught to individuals as a sort of apprenticeship and would live with their teacher, their Sifu, for years.  The training methods in some styles still reflect these origins because each generation replicates the previous without taking into account changes in culture or indeed improved understanding of psychology or neuroscience.  Tao Te Kung Fu as Taught through Kung Fu Living, is not just a martial arts style but represents an entire approach to teaching and learning.  We have carefully analysed all techniques and skills that the style incorporates to develop a program in which skill acquisition accelerates through a spiral curriculum.  That is to say, you will find that when you learn some of the more sophisticated techniques, that they are easier for you because you have already mastered similar, though easier, techniques taught to you earlier in the program.

So, with a modern understanding of neuroscience, psychology and physiology, it has been possible to develop teaching strategies that enable students to more easily acquire advanced skills as well as the strategic concepts involving their use.  Using these accelerated learning protocols, it is possible for you to become an expert in the shortest possible time.

The right training methods enable you to make the transition from performing actions consciously to being able to perform the same action unconsciously or intuitively. These methods combine the development of what is often referred to as muscle memory as well as transferring the neurological commands from the cerebrum to the cerebellum thus techniques can be performed without conscious thought.  This is especially important in martial arts as the high anxiety of a real combat situation makes it impossible for you to use any skill that you still have to consciously think about.  

Your progress has been strategically planned, which is why we can offer a course that will take you to an advanced level of proficiency, instead of merely the opportunity to participate recreationally.

You will advance through six levels of skill acquisition that combine these three aspects:

• Cognitive (intellectual capacity, knowledge, thinking),
• Affective (feelings, emotions, attitude) and
• Psychomotor (manual and physical skills) domains.

The different aspects of domains overlap to a great extent and one domain can be advanced beyond others depending on prior learning.

Levels of skill acquisition

1. Knowledge: The student develops the movements needed.  Initially this is by imitation, but quickly they can be performed independently.

• Understanding: The student appreciates how, why and when a particular action is used.  This understanding of the movement can then be developed with precision. (A stage that continues thereafter and is never finished) Here, the student often first becomes aware of how the emotions impact on physiology.

• Application: This is the ability to use a particular and appropriate technique in response to a given attack.  The movement/action is integrated into muscle memory so that the technique happens fully once the decision is made.  This continues until the action becomes automated (and beyond).  Here, the student usually begins to be able to manifest some emotions to add power, stay aware and in control, rather than be subject to uncontrolled emotions.

• Analysis: Picking apart any learned technique to see just exactly how it works to make it work better or optimise it for you.  Perfecting of muscle tension and whole-body application of simple movements.  Being able to combine with other skills and make adjustments to compensate for particular context.  This level also Includes the development of the most appropriate emotion and students begin to understand how to deliberately generate such emotion.

• Evaluation: Comparing and contrasting different techniques and their relative effectiveness within varying contexts and for different people facing different opponents.  You might use the term ‘adaptable proficiency’.  Competence at generating a chosen emotional content with control.

• Synthesis: The stage of creating and modifying one’s own technique.  The point at which one moves beyond mere technique and the real artistry takes over, when it’s not simply what you do, but what and who you are… At this level serenity becomes a choice and when needed, controlled aggression becomes an automated response.

In this article I hope to offer you some ideas of how your training with us can develop you as a whole person on every level and in the process, encourage you to consider, at a deeper level, who is this whole person anyway.

People begin learning Tao Te Kung Fu with us for many different reasons.  For many it is a way to keep fit and healthy, for some it is primarily to develop confidence by having the ability to defend themselves in dangerous situations, for some, depression or anxiety is impacting on their life and they look to the wisdom and meditations to help them control their emotions, for others is simply to have fun.  For most though, at some point, their training begins to represents so much more than these; it becomes integral to their identity, a spiritual discipline, a path of self-development and self-realisation that profoundly improves their whole way of life.

What is the self, or who is this ‘whole person’?   One way to consider this question is to start with the image of concentric rings.  At the centre is the conscious observer of your universe.  The ‘I’ of ‘I am aware.’  If I speak of my car or my clothes or my body, it is clear that in each case two objects are being referenced; the car, clothes or body and me, the owner of them.  In our everyday speech, and thus in our thinking, we habitually think of ourselves as the conscious awareness that lives inside this physical body.  Now I’m not saying that there necessarily is a clear distinction, but for purposes of the thought experiment the distinction helps.  Within this inner self, this core of identity, this conscious awareness, resides our hopes, dreams, beliefs, attitudes and reasoning.  But although we talk as if our body is something that we own, something not quite us, something that we could lose a bit of without it diminishing the essential ‘I’, the reality is not so clear.  Hence the image of concentric rings.  You could picture the conscious awareness being linked through another ring that is your unconscious mind and autonomic nervous system through another ring of emotions to the rest of your body, another ring.

A huge part of who we are is of course the physical body we exist within.  It enables us to interact with the rest of the world.  Our emotions can be seen as a two-way bridge between our body and our nervous system.  Most of our emotions’ obvious effects are manifested in the physical body.  It is in the intestines that we feel fear, in the chest that we appear to feel joy and a blockage in an attempt to express our emotion is felt in the throat, etc.  If fact if an emotion did not have a physical feeling, we wouldn’t call it an emotion, we’d call it a thought.  It is whether we find the physical feeling pleasant or unpleasant that determines whether we consider the emotion to be a good one or not.  A fearful thought, or a lustful thought, for examples, will have a fast, if not immediate, effect on our body, our heart rate, adrenaline level etc.  As I said, this connection between the unconscious mind and the body is two way.  A bee sting or a massage, will have an effect, through our nervous system to change our mental state or mood.  We can use this interaction intentionally by engaging in physical exercises or slow deep breathing, etc to generate the desired hormonal, emotional effect to alter our state of mind.  I’m assuming that we are all familiar with how exercise produces hormones that change our mood.  Whether fit, flexible, strong, week, stiff or in pain, our body changes the way we feel, and with such feelings, our sense of identity. 

It is equally the case that how our body looks and moves will influence, not only how we think about ourselves but also how we are perceived by others.  (How we perceive, how others perceive us, will also influence how we think of ourselves.)  Our body language shouts louder than our voice, even though the message may be read by others primarily unconsciously.  I hardly need point out that, whether it is the image in the mirror or that seen by others, the appearance of the physical self is a huge part of who we are; for some it is the primary factor.  Whether we are, or think we are, attractive, lean, fat, muscular, tall, short, old, young, what our racial background, our sex is, or appears to be, all influence our personal identity.  All that is before we even start dressing it up with different clothes, accessories or even body language, verbal language or accent. 

How we perceive ourselves and how we believe others perceive us, is very important in the formation of our sense of identity.  Which brings us to the next of those concentric rings, our relationships with others. 

I am a different person to each and every person who knows me.  I behave differently and am perceived differently relative to how I think of them and how they think of me, given who they are, and both mine and their prejudices.  As a husband I behave differently than I do as a Kung Fu Master, as a father I behave differently than I do as a brother.  For each person that I relate to, there is a particular aspect of my outer shell that I present and that they perceive, they respond accordingly and I, in turn, respond to that.  The dynamic between me and every other person to whom I relate is unique, though many may appear similar.  In this way of thinking, a significant part of my identity exists conceptually in the spaces between me and others; an outer concentric circle that has a different colour, a different flavour in each direction.  Like a spectrum of changing colour surrounding me and reaching out to every other person I relate to.  The particular dynamic of each relationship will have elements of how we perceive each other physically and psychologically, including relative positions of authority and social status.

As I can’t immediately affect the prejudices of others, the only way I can impact on this outer circle of my identity is by alterations to the inner two.  So how will practicing/studying Tao Te Kung Fu affect you?  Let’s start with the most obvious; the body.  Any exercise will affect the function and appearance of your physical body, mostly for the better, though each will have a different impact.  Swimming will widen the shoulders and slim the waist.  Long distance running will slim you down.  Lifting heavy weights will bulk you up.  Observe the bodies of athletes, it isn’t just that those with a natural physique gravitate to particular sports, though that is true, the activity itself will change the body within the limits of their genetic potential.  Notice the difference between a boxer’s and a sprinter’s physique and that of a shot putter or a marathon runner.   Some sports can have a high risk of injury.  American footballers, rugby players and practitioners of some styles of karate commonly end their careers with particular joint problems.  Tennis players and golfers have more than their fare share of elbow problems.  Tao Te Kung Fu and the way we teach it through Kung Fu Living has been developed to offer significant physical benefits with the minimum of risk.  You will not develop the shape of a body builder nor that of a marathon runner, but you will tone and shape every muscle.  Leaner muscle, (not marbled with fat) burns more calories even at rest and without any major effort you will find fat reducing.  The exercises you will be practicing will develop greater strength, coordination, flexibility and balance.  You may notice your posture improving along with an increased fluidity or grace in your movements.  The breathing practice in Chi Kung will increase the energy available at any time and people commonly find the meditations help them sleep better, which improves many areas of life. 

How will Kung Fu Living change develop my inner self?  An area often missing from many martial arts classes is the philosophy that would traditionally run alongside the physical skills.  As most of our students do not come from a medieval Chinese cultural background this aspect of our training is delivered in a way that English speaking modern people will find relevant and enlightening.  By understanding processes in every area of life in terms of physical relationships we often see life’s challenges with greater clarity.  Seeing inertia as a problem for getting things started like relationships or diets, or businesses makes sense to most people.  Recognising that traditions can have momentum, not just heavy objects helps people to understand why change is resisted.  The 5 elements of eastern tradition are used to explain the nature of movement, progression and relationships within an individual and society at large.  Some of the hardest ideas can be learned kinaesthetically, that is, through physical movement.  It is because our bodies, our emotions and our understanding form a continuous whole that this is possible.  You only learn what humility really means when you kneel, you only learn what unity really means when you dance with someone and you only learn what support really means when you are hugged.  It is this connection between the physical body and the mind that is most evident in the way we have structured Kung Fu Living.  Put simply, you learn an exercise; in doing so you learn an idea and that overflows into an attitude, changing the way you think about yourself or the world around you and then how you live your life.  As your body changes through training you will notice several effects. You will look leaner, fitter, stronger and generally in better shape, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.  This will make you more confident, knowing that what you see in the mirror will be reflected in the way others respond to you.  You will feel fitter, stronger and more flexible, which will also affect your mood, the way you behave, the way you treat others and the way they respond to you.  The philosophy that you learn will change the way you think of yourself, the universe and your place in it.  This will change your attitude to life, the way you live your life, your behaviour and the way others perceive and respond to you.  You will have the martial skills, knowledge and the confidence that goes with these.  This will change the way you feel about your place in the world, the way you interact with others and the way they interact with you.  Even at the very superficial level; you might now be ‘that blond in marketing’ when you are ‘that blond in marketing who knows Kung Fu’ believe me, people will think of you very differently.  They will treat you differently and your sense of self will not just be projected by how you think of yourself but respond to how others think of and treat you.

Someone recently commented that in their heads they were still about 25.  The person in question is in their 60s.  I find that if I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, when I’m not expecting it, I’m always shocked that there’s an old guy looking back at me.  My internal self-image, it seems, is not what I actually look like.  I don’t think this is very unusual, but I do think it is very significant.  I understand that people with eating disorders often misjudge their real image.  When shown a number of altered images of themselves and asked to choose which one is accurate, they apparently think they are a different shape, often believing they are fat, when in fact they are dangerously thin.  I started wondering how our self-image affects us.  Could we have a healthy misconception?  It is a general truth that people who believe themselves to be beautiful, tend to be judged so by others because of their projected identity, through the confidence that their body language implies.  Do those who think of themselves as younger, appear so to others?  Is that why my parents’ generation appeared older at my age?  Did they simply think of themselves as much older?

So my question is?  Can we manipulate our own self-image to be more psychologically and even physiologically healthy?  I’m not talking about self-deception.  We all in fact have an inaccurate image, but if we accept that, the only issue is, is the inaccuracy helpful?  If not, how do we change it?   

I recently read about an experiment done with a group of older men.  They were in their 70s and 80s.  These men were invited to spend a week in a holiday retreat together.  They underwent extensive physical checks to have a base line for their overall health.  They were asked to behave as if they were 20 years younger; to pretend as best they could and to keep this up consistently for the week.  To make this easier, the magazines, and TV shows, including the news, were all from that week 20 years previous.  At the end of the week they were given another overall health check.  These checks showed that they had all become, by every clinical verifiable factor, younger.  In some cases significantly; to the point of no longer needing walking sticks etc.

Another interesting experiment was done at a university.  An actor, dressed in a suit, behaved, in terms of his body language and general manner, as if he had great authority and was introduced to several classes as the new Bursar.  When he left the room, the teacher asked the classes to estimate his hight.  For other classes, he was dressed in overalls, behaved in a rather humble and apologetic way, and was introduced as the new caretaker.  Again the classes were asked to estimate his hight.  The first groups’ estimated average was around 2 inches taller than the actor actually was.  The second groups’ estimated average was around 2 inches shorter than his actual hight.  4 inches different!

In addition to the above study, other studies have shown that a taller individual is more likely to get a job with significant responsibility than a shorter person.

What does this mean?  Probably because while we are growing, and during our most formative year, it was generally the case that people taller than us had more authority, we therefore can’t help assuming someone taller has more authority still.  But also, when someone has a position of greater authority, we attribute to them (literally perceive) greater hight. 

It is not possible to separate all of these factors.  How we think of ourselves, our own self-image, hugely affects how we behave, our body language etc. and therefore how others see us.  How others see us, affects how we feel about ourselves.  Our self-image influences our physiological state, our health and even our life expectancy.  This is why we put so much emphasis on your personal emotional growth and how you think, not just whether you see yourself as a confident martial artist, though that is significant, but in every aspect of your life.  Your thinking about yourself is the number one factor in shaping the rest of your life, including how much life you have left.

I have to let go of what I am, if I am ever to become what I choose to be.

Let me unpack this a bit.  I am making a number of significant implications in this statement.
The obvious message is that we are not destined / doomed to be the person we currently are, we can in fact recreate ourselves.  This is not only a key theme of the great existentialist thinkers but is evident in the work of many of the early Greek thinkers.

It is common in many social systems and some religions to consider oneself a fixed socially static being.  The idea implied is that God has made me this way, or the blood I’ve inherited from my ancestors has, and I should be content, accepting and be the best fit I can be in my given place.  This is, of course, an idea that suits those for whom chance has placed at the top of the social hierarchy.  If you are in the highest caste you will certainly like the system to remain rigid.  If you are born rich, with a title or great privilege, you’ll like the idea that somehow you must be suited for that position.  Consider the many stories in which the lowly groom saves the princess or wins her favour, possibly saving the kingdom.  When the final twist of the story arrives, it turns out that the groom is actually a long-lost aristocratic/royal son, dispossessed by some common bureaucrat/jealous relative etc.  Because, of course, his blood, or some version of ‘the divine right of kings’ will have endowed him with the courage, wit and determination to overcome.  If you are old enough and English you will remember a favourite hymn we all learned at primary school, “All things bright and beautiful” did anyone notice the line “the king is in his castle, the poor man at his gate, the Lord has made them high and lowly and ordered their estate”.  Such sentiments have helped maintain the privilege of the few for centuries and much more importantly, curtailed the ambitions of the vast majority.  But are you destined by social position to be a certain sort of person?  I’m labouring this point a bit because I have come across so many people who, when asked what is stopping them from achieving some particular ambition, after lots of deep consideration, said that they felt it wasn’t there place, or words to that effect.  They had unconsciously bought into the idea of class or caste or some version of this idea.

What about upbringing?  Am I only the result of the sum total of my life’s experiences and my reactions to those?  You are hugely the result of your past in many ways.  But let’s be clear.  It is generally not the things that happen to you, but how you reacted to those events that have shaped you.  It is not by chance that the vast majority of psychotherapy, of every type, spends a lot of time and effort examining a person’s past.  It gets complicated because you were also taught how to react, so that comes back to upbringing and frankly it seems that some people are born fighters, some are born optimists, which brings us neatly to genetics.

What about genetics?  Don’t I inherit everything I am: my disposition, intelligence, fitness etc. from my parents?  The answer is a sort of yes and no.  What the most recent studies seem to suggest is that we have a huge library of potential genetic factors to choose from.  Having a gene for a type of cancer for example is like having a particular book on your shelf, but you could go your whole life never taking that book off the shelf and opening it.  The breadth of potential is huge, but the environment of a cell seems to determine whether a gene is switched on or off.  That environment incudes not just the nutrients or toxins we take in from drinking, eating, breathing etc. but includes the effect of the exercise we take and (roll of drums) what we think.  Yes, you read that right.  What you think and the emotions you trigger sending neuropeptides to every cell in your body is hugely responsible for the chemical environment of your cells and that will affect which genes are switched on or off.  That is why so many diseases are now referred to as stress related.  Who you are and how you perceive the world you live in are the result of your past thinking.  Which means, of course, that what you think now is moulding your future world and person you will be.

But whether by divine will or genetics or the shaping of nurture, is it true that we are stuck with our current state?
Is it the case that the best I can do is to learn who I am and be content with that?  Well if so, what a great excuse.  It does take the pressure off me to even try to be better.  I can’t really be to blame for anything either.  Every character weakness or fluke of birth, I can excuse myself for.  I get my temper and gluttony from my father, my laziness and alcoholism from my mother, my lack of discipline from their parenting and my right to sit in the House of Lords from God.  It’s not my fault, it’s all just the way it is.

But what if I choose to be different?  Is it possible for me to learn a different way to think; a different behaviour, habit, attitude or tendency?  Could I, for example, learn a technique to control my temper?  Could a determined effort to think differently become a habit and them my new normal?  Could that new thinking produce a new behaviour?  Could that behaviour become a habit and my the new behaviour is assimilated into who I have become?  Could I imagine the person I wish to be, and find a way to become him/her?  In short, is it possible to take the responsibility for the creative process and reinvent me.  Not simply pretending to be something different, but actually becoming different. 

Think about this.  If I pretend to be a gardener, by doing some gardening every day and I keep up the pretence for a year or so, surely at some point the claim that “I’m not really a gardener, I’m just pretending” becomes meaningless.  Imagine how successful such a plea would be in court, “oh I’m not a burglar, I’ve just been pretending to be a burglar, by burgling other peoples’ houses”.  Be, what you wish to become.
The other implication is that we need to let go of who we are.  The problem is that we become attached to our identity, no matter how much we do or don’t like it.  It takes a major act of the will to simply let go.  When I gave up smoking, one of the hardest things was letting go of my previous identity.  I was a smoker, and for years I was a smoker who no longer smoked.  It was who I was, part of my identity and as such it was unconsciously precious to me.  We simply feel uncomfortable with the new version of ourselves, like wearing new shoes, or a wholly different style of clothes.  Ironically, the more society in general disapproved of smoking, the more pressure I felt to give up, the more I resisted.  I am one of those people who when feeling attacked in any way, will react by bringing up my guard and come out of my corner fighting.  Even an element to my character, that I disliked, like smoking, was still part of me and therefore I felt protective of it and tried to hang onto it.
I had to learn to identify myself with the person I was becoming by my current choice, not the person I had become by that complex combination of circumstances that was my history.
So it is the case that “I have to let go of what I am, if ever I am to become what I choose to be.”  The letting go part, is often the hardest part of that equation.